what is that smell?

I recall at the beginning of 2011 I made some pretty bold statements about how . . . . well I really don't remember, just that I could handle whatever was thrown at me. After many lessons learned or not so learned, I would like to begin 2012, although a little late with more of a plea for mercy.

Last year may have been one of the toughest emotional years of my life, not for any particular reason, but I keep learning over and over that in order for my life to go anywhere I am destined to stay in square one.

Dear 2012,

I am scared and need help, lots and lots of help. I want to be a much better person but fear the garbage I must tread through to give myself the opportunity to be better. So please take it easy, it doesn't take much for me to lose it.

Best Regards,

Michelle

With that we are expecting baby #3 in early September, we are very excited, but for the most part I've been feeling pretty crappy the past couple of weeks. When sleep doesn't even sound appealing it gets a bit annoying that all you feel like you can do sometimes is just exist and breath in and out and try not to let the smells of your house turn on your gag reflex.

Jared was so excited to bring the bed up to our room after we let it air out for a few days, the problem is however that this bed joined our household at the wrong time to ever have a chance of survival. After of couple of days of trying to ignore the smell I finally started sleeping on the couch or downstairs, the thought of going into my room made me ill. And once the day had started the door would shut and I wouldn't go in unless it was absolutely necessary. Even just typing about it is making me feel sick.

So Jared had to dissemble the bed and move it downstairs. PHEW! The problem still wasn't over however because I could still smell that suffocating aroma. I later discovered that the roman shade we had recently put up in our room acquired the scent as well. So after a couple of nights of sleeping with an open shade Jared put our old blinds back in our room and the shade removed. Ahhh, finally. Yesterday I went to wal-mart to buy all new shampoo, lotion, laundry soap etc. And my hundreds of dollars of essential oils are now residing in the garage. I fear that even after the fact, those smells will still make me sick as well . . . . . so that is how this pregnancy is going so far. I'm eating all the time feeling not so hot.

I really am excited for another baby (who is now the size of grape) but I must admit I'm not excited for what will surely come in the next few months to my body, (which is already 10 lbs bigger) I'm just feeling a little wimpy and selfish about the whole thing, even though I know it will be worth it.